Live your story...a Good Story

As the New Year, and new decade approaches, I'm not making any New Year's resolutions. These super-hyped, trendy-faux goals can end up becoming self serving to-do lists that end up causing guilt in hindsight come February. Besides, I have enough things to do on a day-to-day basis. Instead, I'm seeking out a better story--to intentionally live life with moxy. Inspired by Donald Miller's new book, A Thousand Miles in a Million Years, I've connected some serious dots with my love of art/film/books to real life. I truly recommend you get disturbed by this piece of work, what I think is one of the best books of the year. It woke me up and reminded me that I'm not just living for the perfect American dream: nice house/car, big paycheck, and 2.5 kids..nor am I living for the American Christian dream: comfort and security. I'm living for that "silver screen experience." It's what we all spend $10.50 for:, (minus the popcorn and sticky floor) action, complexity, ambition, sacrifice, and satisfaction when the credits roll. Except in real life it takes a lot longer than a mere two hours. A good life story takes years and years of wrestling with pain, addressing fears with courage, pursuing meaningful relationships and serving others in a way that costs and costs big time. It's trusting that in the messy process of learning to forgive, denying self, fighting for justice, loving family, enduring pain, and complaining about delayed flights-our character is transformed. And that's the point of a good story..and the point of a life: character transformation. Thanks to Donald Miller for that reminder. So, when I spoke this past Sunday I tried to weave all these things I was learning into a conversation to share with our church and created an artistic space for us to express our stories. It was a memorable time. I was completely inspired and felt like a photographer in a dark room putting together an exhibition. I invited the church to think about our life in scenes, by reflecting through piles of pictures and images. We identified "inciting incidents' in which we were forever changed by some pain, challenge, or obstacle in which we were undoubtedly propelled into action, into living a good story. We then journaled, drew, or wrote on these images to tell a collective story together and hung them up on a "story line." My hope is that we as God's people choose to submit our stories to each other, too, sharing and spurring one another on in our journeys. Listen to my message here.

Memorable concepts from the book:

The most important elements in a movie is the story.

There is purpose in every scene, every line.

A movie is moving-going somewhere.

With out story experiences are just random.

The same elements that are important to a story are important to life.

To know your story, ask yourself what you want in life. If we don’t want anything, we are living boring lives. If all we want is “stuff,” we are living vain lives.

When we live a story we are telling others around us what we think is important.

Nobody remembers easy stories, Characters must face fears with courage.

Happy & sad things in life are used to color the story.

TELL A GOOD STORY WITH YOUR LIFE

Plan your story with God, and live it intentionally

Good stories don’t happen by accident

Story: a character who wants something & overcomes conflict to get it

Map out a story for your life. Map out a story for your family. Live story.

We are designed to live through something, not just attain something.

The point of the story is the character arc, the change

The point of the story is never the ending, it's the hard work and character molding in the middle that helps us appreciate the ending.

Really good stories are not full of security and comfort, but change & action.

There is an “inciting incident” which forces the character to move, to face fear and conflict

God wants us to live beautiful stories, but there are forces at work against us.

From Facebook see Video on my blog here:

The Unlikely Disciple

Just finished this book. I couldn't put it down and stayed up until 2am. I am going to pay for this in just four hours when my girls get up, but it was worth it.

A true story of a 19 year old guy who immersed himself within the Christian (college) culture in order to gain a first hand, honest experience of life inside the Christian Evangelical world as one who personally was not a Christian"insider" himself.

Genius.

I laughed out loud reading this 19 year old's witty account of experiencing insider church language ("Praise the Lord," Purity rings, Every Man's Battle), corporate church worship hand waving, and "Cold Turkey Evangelism" on Daytona Beach during Spring Break. I thoroughly enjoyed this story because it took me on a journey (where I could look at myself from the outside), once causing me to spit out my lunch laughing at his experience with the strange ways of Christians and Christian culture. And other times I rolled my eyes frustrated by our (the Church's) hypocrisies, lack of grace, and other un-christ-like ways like homophobia, racism, and self-righteous attitudes.

It's a good sign when a book challenges me to think, wrestle, laugh, cry, disagree, and motivates me to love others with God's compassion. That's the essence of a good story.

Read this book and consider how your life might be perceived by those on the outside of Christian culture. Ultimately, I see it as a possible tool of reconciliation with Christians and culture and a great piece for discussion with your believing friends and non-believing friends alike.
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Listen to an interview with the author, if you can get past the somewhat "amateur" interviewer here.

VLOG Episode 7. TRT 3:43

Dear Mr. Future President.....

What a wild time for our country right now. I can feel the political tension and excitement rising. It's history in the making. So for my first political post, I wanted to (in a completely NON-partisan way) recommend a book (or two). To all those making hard decisions on this election's ballot, and to all who are fighting for one party or the other, for all who are wondering where your tax dollars really go, and for all who stick one sign or the other proposing whatever proposition in your yard you are proposing: I hope I can sway you to consider reading the story of Wilky. My daughter loves the library and books of all kinds. During our visit to the new library in Redwood Shores, this book caught my attention. I seriously read through the whole thing during the story time. I just smiled and laughed. God used a kid's story about a cockroach to speak to me. In the midst of name-calling, heated debates and a time when (party) pride is prevalent, don't we all just need to loosen up a bit? Shouldn't we all practice a little gentleness and do away with anxiety? I suggest reading this (or any) kids' book so we don't take ourselves to seriously and to remember life isn't always so figured out as we adults think it is. (For an slightly more grown up book I recommend this one). Don't get me wrong, I believe we need to take our country's (and state's) political issues very seriously! But with this who's right, who's wrong, media frenzied election, let's not worry. God is our father and Jesus is our king. There's hope America and his name is not McCain OR Obama. His name is Jesus the Messiah, the Christ, the King, our Savior. So please by all means vote, please pray, please propose, and please remember who's really Commander in Chief.

No grunting necessary

Maybe medieval boys celebrated it when they got their armor and a nice slap with a sword. And I'm sure boys within tribal communities experience this when they're presented with bow and arrow (or some other weapon that can clobber) and the right to hunt. But today, here in 21st century America, we really don't have anything that's a regular, exercised part of our culture. Although some wrongly think it's about belching, grunting, farting, money making, pumping iron, and womanizing.

I'm talking about lost celebration of bestowing true manhood. I mean, I never had anything like what I read in this great book (which is a must read for all men, especially dads of sons):
Although not the most eye catching cover art in the world, the content is amazing. I read it single in my early-mid twenties. This book helped me figure out my manhood. It talks about fathers intentionally teaching their sons (through "threshold celebrations/experiences) how to become men by leading courageously, rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, and waiting for God's great reward. It thoroughly rejects and doesn't recognize the faux characteristics listed above as true manhood. (If you are male and have never had a type of experience like this-I highly recommend putting something together, it's life changing no matter how old you are. I got to experience and practice what the book taught with the significant men friends in my life. Of whom one is the much missed, new Texan: Matt Nightingale, who actually turned me on to this book).

So the reason I post this is I was invited to participate in such a threshold experience for a boy in our church family who turned 13 this week. His parents arranged a one day journey of meeting (and eating) with Godly men (One of which was PCC's lead pastor, Gary, who has also been instrumental in my life) to talk about what means to be a man (as suggested in the book). For my leg of the tour I took newly turned 13 year old lad and his dad on a mini-hike. It was a very, very, short walk, lets say (in the forest behind where I live), as I didn't tell them ahead of time and so we lacked appropriate hiking gear, namely shoes that would prevent from slipping into the ravine. Nonetheless, it was great as we sat on a tree trunk out in creation and talked about manhood and the great adventure that it is.

* I read from Mark 1 and discussed the example of John the Baptist who led the way for Jesus, and didn't conform to culture. (What a man. A beast of a man who wore crazy clothes and ate crazy things. And he wasn't even in a college fraternity).

* I had Dad and son write letters to themselves to be sent a year from now, about how they want to grow as men. Real men live purposeful, goal oriented lives.

*We listened to Real Men Cry, by the Elms. (And yes it was via my iphone. It's not like we could truly "rough it," I said it was a mini-hike.) Real men are in touch with the way God made them and not afraid to express emotions in healthy ways. And yes, some men are very technically savvy.

* We focused on two attributes of men: Humility and Leadership (displayed in both John the Baptizer and Jesus) .

*We identified Jesus as our great model of manhood. (You knew that was coming). Because Real men are willing to sacrifice and even die for the truth and for God.

*We ended our time picking up large sticks and both the father and I 'knighted" the son (touched his shoulders) by speaking over him with attributes of manhood (integrity, leadership, confidence, etc) and prayed over him.


This is catching on and Dads are taking up the great privilege of leading their sons in our community. I love it.

What do you think about this? This isn't just about men, but women, too. Believe me, I've already starting reading up. (They have many threshold experiences for girls, one is a princess kiss book ala the same thinking ). What was significant in your life to affirm your identity as a man or woman? What did you wish you would have had? If you are a parent do you have any ideas? School me.

Sex, Love, and More

Tonight was cool. Once a month (or so) we have what is called a DISCIPLESHIP night: A gathering to discuss relevant issues for the Christ-following young adult. With some good pizza and Starbucks' Frapps on hand we went after tonight's Topic:

DATING/LOVE/MARRIAGE/SEX

It was so cool to partner in ministry with my wife Wendy and share (in our crammed living room) with a bunch of our young adults, all who are trying to figure out God's design and authentically live for him in our community. I love it and I was so proud to see these men and women taking their relationships and purity seriously.

I could have gone all night talking about these issues--and teaching from my own baggage, but we have Isella's internal clock to deal with early in the morning so we obviously had to end.

Here's some of our notes from the night

Overarching concept: God has called us to a life that honors him. If we know God’s love, our actions will reflect who he is in all of life and all of our relationships. God’s design from the beginning has been one man and one woman in an emotionally, sexually, and spiritually intimate relationship (one flesh) called marriage. We as God’s followers must seek to understand God’s design and live it out faithfully as a means of loving him and loving others (Great Commandment) in healthy community. This is known as a standard (Bull’s eye) that we seek after not because we have to, but because we want to, knowing that it honors God but also has benefits for us and those we are in relationship with. We have an absolute truth from God’s word. Although not every explicit detail has been spelled out for us in scripture we can appropriate God’s truth practically in our life and relationships (and help each other, too)! Remember our life is about experiencing (feeling) and choosing love and this puts us in partnership with God. This puts us accountable to have discussions with our friends and dating partners to prevent from creating bonds (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) that were only meant for marriage---and a good, healthy, God-honoring relationship is worth waiting for!

FLAME-Rob Bell Video recap: Three types of love in the Hebrew: Friendship, Commitment (marriage), and Erotic. We need all three for healthy sexuality! See Video below (10 minutes in length)

Verses we referenced tonight:
Genesis 3
Song of Solomon
Romans 7
1 Corinthians 6
Galatians 6
Ephesians 4 & 5
1 Thessalonians 4

Resources used in our conversation:
(All of them and are available on amazon.com for under $15).

What’s the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood defined according to the Bible By John Piper

Relationships by Drs Les and Leslie Parrot

Boy Meets Girl & I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Boundaries in dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Love is a Choice (Letting Go of unhealthy relationships) by Hemfelt, Minirith, Meier

Thrill of the Chaste, Finding fulfillment while keeping your clothes on by Dawn Eden

Should I Get Married? By M. Blaine Smith

Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram

Broken Image by Leanne Payne

All of these books have aided in our relationship before marriage and continue to be resources we reference for others and continue to go back to for ourselves in different ways! To those who participated tonight, thank you! Wendy and I loved it and we will continue to pray for you. Don't forget to take another (or deeper) look into the packet with all it's articles and worksheets. There are great pages in there for those needed healing of past sexual sin, those wondering about current compatability, and those considering marriage. These are great conversation starters and reasons to pray together as a community! Spur one another on toward love and good deeds (purity!)!

God is Good! God's design for relationships is Good. God loves relationships!
God loves sex (in marriage)!!!