❤️ Stories can heal the world! Don't be defined by your pain! Don't let your past stand in the way of your future. 🚀
Every minute of your life is worth something and is part of a greater
narrative! You were created for MORE! (All these words have impacted my
life)!
Proud to be in this 3 minute short film from my filmmaker friend Lydia Isnanto!
(I share this with the blessing of my mom who was the first one to see
it!)
We say it on Sundays at the end of our gatherings: May you jump into the arms of Jesus…. (Let me stop right here).
I like this image.
I like the jumping out, the soaring, flying... into God’s loving arms. Because the way I see it when you jump---the next think you do, after a big warm hug, is take his hand and go out into the world to brave all it’s adventures, pains, hopes, and uncertainty...with him.
Twenty years ago almost exactly, I jumped with Jesus from Illinois to Redwood City, California to come serve as an intern with a church, PCC, in California. It was a dream come true. I graduated college, filled my sea green Toyota Tercel up with all my belongings (basically clothes and CD's. I didn't even have a cell phone, but I did have a word processor ) and drove myself out to sunny California, (something I had dreamed about since I was a young kid).
And my LIFE WAS CHANGED by God in so many ways.
I’ve served, led, been healed and formed in this same church community that I've been a part of since 1998. I grew up here. I've spent HALF MY LIFE HERE!!! What?? I met and married my wife here. I started my family here. Wow. I feel so encouraged with all that God has done and the kingdom work we’ve accomplished with my friends and colleagues here. I served in India, Africa, Italy, and Mexico. I got my Masters, I got ordained, I officiated so many weddings, baptisms, dedications, and funerals that I can't even count. Truly, overwhelmed just thinking about it. I have to include some pictures to illustrate just how much fun I've had!
My favorite part is that new dreams have been birthed in me over my twenty years, and new paths have been forged for my future.
My world view has broadened in my travels around the world. My theology has grown and been expanded. I’ve been able to explore and experiment with my skills and abilities in the arts, and it seems God has brought me full circle to dreams that he planted decades ago, something long buried in my heart. (More on this in the coming weeks).
So here’s the big, exciting news!
I resigned from my job with PCC.
Writing that out is so weird. I've had this ONE full time job for half my life!
I've never had to "resign" before. It feels so final and sad, and it kinda is.
But I am so full of hope and excitement for the future.
It took a lot discussion and prayer with my wife, trusted friends and mentors.
It’s time to JUMP once again, and move on to the next adventure.
It all became clear in December. Not the Christmas gift I was expecting, but it was the perfect timing. Our church is growing and changing and I, along with our lead team
of pastors have been working hard to move our organization to what we believe is our future. I got to help shape things and cast vision and I thought I would be
on that bus headed there right along with everyone else. But God used things in the process in the later part of 2017 to make it obvious to me that I had completed my mission! Pray for our church as we move through these changes. It's right...but still hard.
But God spoke so clear to me. It was a matter of hours that I knew. And so I made it official.
I resigned.
But...
But..
But...We are not sure exactly where we are going or what we are doing….yet.
That’s the crazy thing.
(But thanks to Hugh Jackman, and what I know of God's character, I'm expecting the end to this story is going to be amazing).
I had always figured it would be obvious when it was my time to hang up my PCC hat. I always thought like other normal people I would safely jump from one job to the next... I wanted things to be secure for me and my family. But God was clear with us. Step out. In faith. Trust. JUMP!
In some way I think it's perfect.
Practice what I've been preaching my whole life. Practice what I see so many others who have lived a life of faith and modeled what scripture encourages us to do.
Hebrews 11:8
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
OK. So I guess we’re doing that, too!
We will follow God's leadings, even when it doesn't make sense.
Sounds good in theory but it's really hard.
I may end up waiting tables (which honestly I like) or working at a production company. I could be consulting or starting other churches, or doing the weekend speaking circuit. (Need my services? Let me know :). I could end up in San Francisco or working in LA.
We don't really know.
See the tension?
Great hope mixed with anxiety...mixed with anxiety.
We live in a home owned by our church. Which means we have to move on and OUT, literally.
We have many perks that come with my job that allow us to live in the most expensive place in the world, and we have to give it all up.
Imagine explaining this to our kids. Lots of curious and strange questions for us and for our kids.
When will be get a house? When will daddy get a new job? When did God tell you? Can I keep all my stuffed animals? When will we know where we’re moving?
We don’t know. But what I do know is…God will provide AND I’ll work my ass off to provide for my family!
I’ve realized to be my best self….(sounds Oprah-like, I know) I need to be writing, performing, directing, and producing media, art, films... my own original stories! I need freedom to express my creativity and tell stories that can reach a larger audience. Over the past five years I've been able to create and develop many film projects and it's reinvigorated me for a career change.
Just watch some of these videos. This is what God has created me to do!
If you read my last post about Sundance and how Hugh Jackman
wooed me into dreaming again.... you can see how this is all working itself out in me.
And I must respond.
No matter what I do or where I am, I’ll always live my life as a pastor. I see my life’s mission to wake people up to hope and bring new life to dead places in our hearts, lives, and world. I believe my work, whatever it is I am doing, is to comfort and encourage people into God’s forgiveness, freedom, love, and acceptance.
I didn’t always see that I could do this in my filmmaking...but as I look back, I see God working this out in my life over the past five years (more on this in the coming blog posts) and I can’t wait to see more of it!
So for the next few months, I’ll be in transition.
My kids will finish out school and we’ll be looking for a house to rent somewhere, somehow.
I have some feature film scripts I am working on and looking for investors, and I’m applying at local companies that have producer and media jobs!
I’m also going to jump back into going on acting auditions in SF for film and commercials.
I’ll still be working on staff with my church until May.
I’m grateful to spend my last days creating one of my favorite gatherings, the Good Friday service, producing great story videos and some other creative projects on the PCC campus as I wrap up my twenty year experience! I will always love the church and be a part of God’s family, whether in Redwood City or beyond. His hope has moved me so much and I pray it for us all to be healed as we participate in the healing of others!
I’ve tried to reach out to as many people as I can to share the news personally, but I know I won’t be able to do it with everyone. Please know I’d love to share more and answer any questions you have. If you have job opportunities, let me know. If you want to invest in some films and start a film production company with me, let me know. I’m serious. I have a LOT of stories to tell.
I have had a man-crush on Wolverine since he debuted in the X-Men movie in 2000.
So much in fact that I dressed up like him for three Halloweens in a row. It was a little obsessive. (Apparently I expected you to use your imagination and see those imaginary blades coming out of my knuckles).
But, man this guy, (Hugh Jackman not Wolverine) wrecked me ONCE AGAIN. In December when I sat and watched his latest movie: The GREATEST SHOWMAN, the re-imagined story of P.T. Barnum's Circus....WHICH is a musical...
And I know, I know... I just lost a bunch of you reading this. But bear with me.
I've seen it three times, and the soundtrack has been on REPEAT in our house for months.
(My kids constantly singing and dancing around is one of my favorite things lately).
This movie MOVED me. It changed me....and really it encouraged me for my future.
Here's why.
It's a magical story of a dreamer. (I might be a wee bit of a dreamer myself... so I relate).
This film was about someone who visualized something beyond himself. He didn't have much, but he took what he had and spun it into a wonderful, colorful, world-changing reality for all those around him,especially the misfits and marginalized of society (perhaps one of my favorite themes in the story).
Yes, he did it with a song, dance and a cane....and for some that's a bit cheesy...but if the music doesn't move you, then the story will, if you let it.
Here's how it moved me.
As I sat in my little sanctuary, the movie theater, munching on kettle corn, I slipped my hand into my wife's... as the tears streamed down my face.
I felt understood. I felt alive! I felt desperate for this kind of life. (It also happened to parallel real life things happening in my life and work and future, more on that soon). It felt like my story, the story that God has been writing in my heart since I can remember.
The movie tugged on my heartstrings because of the love between this husband and wife and their daughters. Gosh, I never wanted to start a circus more in my life. But that's not the point of this blog reflection.
Here's the point.
I've come to realize, even more during these months since I saw the moive. Not only am I a dreamer, but I am an optimist...and to a fault sometimes (I can easily idealize and hope TOO much that it can feel like I'm not living in reality).
But living with such hope and expectation keeps me alive when I feel put in a box, when I feel creatively starved, when I feel I've hit my ceiling. Dreaming and thinking about the future will always ground me and lift me up when I fall into dark emotional pits or seasons of uncertainty. Maybe it's my coping mechanism!!?
********************* Here's some meaningful lyrics that I've been singing over and over.
They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design
This is how I see it! Dream about the world you want to see. Create your destiny don't just sit on the couch and pray about it. Set goals and run after your dreams. Do NOT give up on them!
Being you, living beyond your brokenness, self-imposed labels or societally imposed identities is one of the greatest challenges but most fulfilling decisions you can ever make. (and you should definitely watch this behind the scenes clip of the making of the film and music).
But keep this in mind.... these dreams come with a cost. The journey is
full of pain fear, temptation, and even sadness for the heartbreak that
comes with pursuing those dreams. You might have to give up sleep,
jobs, homes or the expectations others (or even you) have for your life.
And it's not always easy being married to someone like me..(cough cough)..I mean Hugh Jackman
(P.T. Barnum)...because it feels just like WALKING ON A TIGHTROPE. Just
ask Michelle Williams (playing Charity Barnum), who had a wonderful song and portrayed the complexity and hardship of partnering with the PT Barnun, dreamer-types.
So, I'm grateful for Hugh Jackman and those Wolverine claws that he's dug down deep into me. I'm thankful for good stories. and yes, I'm thankful for cheesy musicals.
Tomorrow I'm going to share more in depth...but I have some big changes coming in my life for our future.
