God flipped my script.

(As seen on Fuller Seminary's Website)


In high school and college, my life was all about acting! But when I started following Christ, I wasn’t sure I could be a Christian and a performing artist. How could they co-exist? I assumed theatre wasn’t the best place to be a Christian, “those thespians” were bad influences, and Shakespeare was a little too racy for Jesus.

I was encouraged my skills would be best used for church skits and youth group. So, I spent my time dancing in a Technicolor dream coat, choreographing hand motions to Steven Curtis Chapman, and casting out demons, in mime. 

And, truthfully I enjoyed it. (I was even convinced seeing any movie that wasn’t PG-13, or under, was sinful).
After college I entered full time ministry. And the story flipped.

God reignited my artistic passions and stretched them beyond what I thought was Biblically “legal.” Someone in my church hooked me up with a talent agent, which I was sure was grounds for burning at the stake.

Then, I stumbled upon Fuller and found myself in classes like, “Theology and Film,” and “Evangelism and Pop Culture.” Somebody pinch me. You’re telling me in order to get my Master’s degree, my classes require me to watch rated R movies and go to the Sundance Film Festival? What will the church ladies say?
God’s kingdom was a lot bigger than I had thought.

I realized my early days were preparation for my ministry calling. Now, I’m a pastor, AND an actor and filmmaker.

I serve in Peninsula Covenant Church to equip our congregation. I get to create media, (and my characters aren’t always required to sport sandals, a tunic or a beard), and offer opportunities for people to engage meaningfully with truth through discussions and experiences on our campus and in the community. We set up film screenings to dialog with filmmakers (and the Church ladies bake cookies). 

We’re launching arts programs in schools and we’re discovering God’s kingdom everywhere, not just in our building on Sundays. And I’m encouraging our church to hang out with those “crazy artist people,” AND also to become one. For we have a lot to learn from both the artists and the art they create.


Fuller’s emphasis on Theology and the Arts energized my creativity and affirmed my life’s purpose. It was perfect timing and amazing training. And Fuller also connected me to the: 
BayArea Windrider Film Forum: “Cinema in Conversation.” 

This is a mini Sundance Film Fest, right here in Menlo Park!  This year it will be on  June 27^th, 28^th, and 29^th. 
We’ll be watching films and exploring life issues with the people who create the stories that move us. And we’ll be challenged to think deeply and take action at Menlo Atherton Performing Arts Center (MAPAC).
 Invite your friends, especially the ones who’d never go to a Sunday service. Because they just might encounter God in a movie theater. I do all the time.  
 Join the conversation.

Do I get to take my bones to Heaven?

When I put my kids to bed, I have a ritual. It can take up to an hour. We do the normal things  like stories, prayer, singing, snuggling, etc. But I've also created a "ticket system" for fun stuff like hanging on my pull-up bar, piggy back rides, or being tossed on to our bed. And, where it bites me in the butt is when I'm tired and I just want to tuck them in quickly and kiss them goodnight, (so I can crawl into my own bed or just be with my wife), they call me out.

"That's it? That's so short. What about Gapastonia Kingdom?"

And I just give in!

What's Gapastonia Kingdom you might ask? Just wait.

Basically, there's no getting out of this bed time ritual, ever..or until they're in middle school, or whenever they become too cool for my stories and snuggling.

But now, it is so worth it. I cherish these times. I lay with them, pray with them, and remind them of how loved they are. Sometimes I lay there and fast forward ten, twenty years, and I admit I shed some tears thinking about they day they'll move out and be out of my care. And I also lay there long enough to fall asleep myself. (Actually, five to ten minutes of being horizontal can do me in). 

But tonight-I just had to blog about our conversation.

It was about Heaven.

It all started when the driver of Princess Wendora's carriage was comforting her in the rain, on the day before her wedding to Prince Antonio.

Yes, I have created a whole story, a cast of characters, which takes place in Gapastonia Kingdom, and revolves around three princesses who are sisters.

Sound familiar?

Tonight, I told them some of the prequel, before the princesses were even born.

I told them about the night before the royal wedding, when our antagonist, the sinister Chantro, schemed to ruin the wedding with a horrible storm. Trees were collapsing on top of the castle (it also happened to be really windy in Redwood City), and the rain was drenching princess Wendora's pre-wedding party.

The carriage driver, who was delivering the princess' dress, showed her comfort and kindness. As she cried, he hugged her. Princess Wendora noticed he had large scars in his hands. It didn't occur to her until later who this mysterious man was.

Let me just say, my girls eat this up. Sometimes I have to choke back the tears watching their little faces take it all in. I love it.

But, to make a long story short: Prince Antonio and Princess Wendora wed the next day on a beautiful sunny morning after battling an evil rat, having a visit from a dove with an important letter, prayer from the king and queen, and finally when they chose to be brave. And the story is always: "To Be Continued."

But after I finished we were discussing "the man with the scars."
They began to ask about what Jesus looked like in Heaven.

"Is he Shiny?
Does he have wings?
Does he still look like a boy?"

I loved their questions, and funny thoughts about what life would be like after we die.

"Dad, when we go to Heaven do I get to keep my skin?
What about my bones, can I take them to Heaven?

Can we fly in Heaven? I hope so. I want to fly fast and eat my food in the air.

Is there dogs in Heaven?
What about cats? And if there are, are they nice dogs and cats or mean ones?"

I tried to let them be curious about the answers and let them explore a bit. I asked them  what they thought and simply tried to steer them toward simple truths that I know.  Because I truly don't know if there will be tigers in Heaven, I just know if there are, they won't bite us.

 But the one thing I kept saying was: 

There is nothing to fear in Heaven.
There are no mean people or mean animals in Heaven.
Everything is beautiful, perfect, and with out pain.
And Jesus still has his scars, forever, so we'll remember the great love and sacrifice he made for us. 

"So... there are nice tigers in Heaven?
Oh, then I want to ride one.

Dad, when I die, I want to die with mommy"


Ok, great.
Good night.
 I love you.

I am Judas.

 I. AM. JUDAS.

I "played" Judas, is more accurate. Last night was our church's, "GOOD FRIDAY" experience. All over the world, the Friday before Easter, people remember Jesus' crucifixion. And this year I happened to be stepping into a new role, so I was very excited to experiment and create, like an architect, a new structure in which to do that.

Before I continue, let me share a side note highlight:
I should blog about the great group of talented and committed people that gave their time for the past month to make this happen, so let me make a quick shout out to the PCC GF cast/crew, you know who you are: WAY TO GO!!  I was grateful to be on a team with you all. Well done and thank you!! So many people over fifty people (costumers, actors, musicians, singers, hair/beards/make-up, lighting/tech/set design crew) took a chance and made this experience possible. This was also a true community effort. People of all ages from all walks of faith. Amazing. (And I also loved doing it with my two oldest daughters, such a cool experience).(Music from the night can be found here on Spotify.)

Back to....

Judas.
Judassssssssss. Hissssssss. Boooo. Hisssssss.

He's always villianized. Isn't he?  That's why I HAD to play him, something I've never done before. (His  role was one of the smallest on the stage in our "play," so it also allowed me to direct the rest of the elements).

But, the honest truth is, after spending so much time in Judas' sandals this month, I feel as if I my attitude toward him has changed.

I don't think he realized the ramifications to his choices. Did he really want to be known throughout history as "the Betrayer?" We remember him as the one who started it all, who gave over his friend, the Lord, to arrest, beating, mockery, and death by torture. (I even staged the actual scene as an homage to the great western shootouts.)

But as I read, researched, and developed the back story for my "character," I found myself empathic.
 I think he thought it was going to turn out different, a LOT different.

 I couldn't help but be sad for Judas, not angry.
Because maybe I would have done the same thing. Maybe YOU would have to.

We all love Peter's story, he denied Jesus, and wept bitterly after the rooster crowed, but then he had a "happy ending." He went on to receive forgiveness, ate some fish on the beach with Jesus, and become a powerful force to be reckoned with.

But not Judas.

He didn't return back. He chose to separate himself, and that's how he died, by his own hand, disconnected from Jesus.

I get it.
I understand how one could go there.

I've wanted to "force" God's hand.
Hurry up, God, GEEZ!!
I've wanted Jesus to rise up and do things MY WAY, not patiently, silently, and compassionately as he prefers.  

How many times have I doubted God's love for me?
Countless.

How many times have I chosen to wallow in my own shame and sin, as if I were unforgivable?
Too many to count.

What about you?

But I've learned to choose to live in forgiveness, not remorse.

I've learned to battle the lies that whisper I am "nothing, a screw-up, insignificant, and a mess."

I was so thankful for this opportunity to dig into the story of Judas.

That's why I had to make this short video of how I interpreted what happened, "After The Kiss."


After The Kiss from Tony Gapastione on Vimeo.

Remember, Judas was with Jesus for three years. Jesus chose him as a follower. Judas saw all the love Jesus had for people. He heard all the messages Jesus preached. Yet, somehow, he made a choice  NOT to believe. (A choice many still make today). He made a choice to sell out, literally, for thirty pieces of silver.

He made a choice to allow Satan to enter him (Luke 22). He agreed to betray Jesus into the hands of the officials. BUT I really believe, that had he turned back, had he REPENTED (which just means to turn around and change one's thinking and actions), he would have been forgiven, by Jesus himself.

If you don't believe that, refresh your mind with some of Jesus' last words. "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing." Jesus utters this from his agonizing, bloody, painful place on the cross--on behalf of all those who nailed him there and continue to mock him. If that's not forgiveness, I don't know what is.

But Judas chose to believe he was unforgivable, and he took his own life. Because I've recently been through the harrowing experience of suicide, this was especially close to my heart.

The Bible states that Judas had remorse, and even returned the money he was given.
I'm actually glad Matthew states that. It is almost as if, Matthew, one of the twelve, Judas' friend, wanted his readers to know, that Judas did feel: something. He wasn't just a villain. Although he allowed it to happen, there were greater forces of evil at work, and Judas was just a pawn. Satan was not only at work, but had overtaken him. And that's our every day reality. Read Ephesians 6.

The sad reality is that, #1-remorse is not enough. Ignorance doesn't excuse us. But the GOOD NEWS IS #2-Jesus ALWAYS make a way out. The question is, will we take it?

Jesus' death on the cross took our sin, our shame, guilt and fear.

Yet we think we should pay for it ourselves. But Jesus willingly went to the cross for us.
And unfortunately, some, like Judas, choose to take it upon themselves to pay for their own sin, and choose to be separated from God.... forever.

But this is the GOOD NEWS of Easter. GOD LOVES US AND FORGIVES US.

BECAUSE OF JESUS WE ARE FREE, and can be, now AND forever.

If Jesus has set you free, you are REALLY FREE! (John8:36).

And you are invited to that freedom, too, no matter what secret, shame, infidelity, or indecency enslaves you.

Come and be free. God loves you, no matter what!
If you are in the Redwood City area, join us for Easter morning. I'll be there, and we'll have baptisms, one of my favorite pictures of this freedom we have. If you are not local, google where a local church meets and join them tomorrow. There are so many great communities of people who believe this great story and want to help you grow in your understanding of love and forgiveness!

Ahhhh. Now that Good Friday has passed, I'm excited because I get to enjoy some rest come Monday, shave off my scraggly Judas beard, and to eat a chocolate bunny...or three.

Transition

Tonight marked the closing of a chapter for me. When I came back from Sabbatical in September, I really sensed God was calling me to focus my time more on my leadership, prayer, and creativity. I had no idea, (and still sometimes don't) how that would work itself out.

Although I'm not moving out of the area, or away from Redwood City, I'm now moving from my leadership role with PCC's young adult (YA) ministry into a new role within PCC. I've grown in this pastoral role since I moved out to California fifteen years ago, in 1998, so it is bittersweet to say goodbye to being the PCC Young Adults pastor.

In my new role, "Creative Arts Pastor," (I don't cling tightly to titles), I'll be focusing on creating spaces for more prayer gatherings, experimenting with new ideas for worship and the arts-initiating movement and teams in creativity in our worship gatherings , and creating opportunities in the arts for and through PCC (starting arts programs in schools/community, etc)--and more video/film projects. Things I've been passionate about and been doing "on the side" for and through PCC for years-and what we've been doing in young adults (you'll see below) videos, drama, etc, forever-- and now I'll just be focusing on that aspect for all ages in the church family. (I'll still be involved with our Young Married's ministry monthly, too).

I'm sad to not be involved in the young adult ministry officially, but I know seasons must change--and it is my time to transition. That doesn't mean that I won't be visiting the YA gatherings, and more importantly that I won't be connected to the YA people, just that my direct involvement will change and a new leadership and vision must emerge. (There will be a "volunteer" team leading for now, until a plan develops for the future). Currently there are passionate leaders who love God and the community of people, and who also adapt quickly to change, who are pioneering and praying about some new things. Deep inside, I know that this must happen for growth and expansion of this community under God's direction, and I'm actually envious that I won't get to be a part of what's next! This community understands the kingdom and yearns to see it come! (Thanks for all who prayed for me tonight. That's how I want to live)!

 
 My biggest concern is that any of our young adults would feel forgotten or left out. I truly care about the leaders and people of the YA community and my hope and prayer is for their best. That's the part that I'll miss, being with them! (And I hope many of them will cross-pollinate and partner in the creative endeavors on PCC's horizon).

I keep telling myself: God is/will be doing some great new things!

As I've been working in my two roles the past few months, I haven't had lots of time to let things soak in. My time has been ramping up to Good Friday and Easter (both of which have lots of creative elements that I'm excited about), so I haven't fully had, or allowed myself, the time to really know how things will feel. So I expect April and May to be really be the time when reality sets in, when everything in my current routine changes. My Tuesday nights won't be spent they way, I'll no longer be leading our Church's summer ministry internship, and my schedule will radically shift.

Reminding myself again: God always is good and doing new things. And I'm looking forward to them. As I look back, this season has brought with it an incredible amount of reflection. And I'm thankful for the joy of memories.

Thankfully many of my reflections come with visuals. I've kept a lot of pictures and videos. Even before our lives were shared over Facebook, our community of people loved to capture life behind and in front of the camera.

Over the next couple months, I will be releasing bits and pieces of these reflections through videos and pictures. For my first snippet, I'll share with you GHETTO ANNOUNCEMENTS! Before there was imovie and Final Cut pro, I would use two VCR's to make these video announcements every week, with the help of a very creative, talented, and improvisational team! Enjoy.

Ghetto A's Week 1. 2001 from PCC Young Adults on Vimeo.

My fortune is found in the famous One

I'm currently in LA, sitting in a Cafe off of Hollywood Blvd. I'm spending my last few hours of submersion into filmmaking, movie watching, and the entertainment industry. It's truly been an inspiring time where I can actually say I've "grown." I've changed a bit. I saw about twelve films last week, cried, laughed, discussed and argued over storytelling, good acting, thematic elements on about five-six hours sleep a night. Which is less than I usually get at home with three kids, five and under, yet, of course, it was filled with so many encouraging conversations that leave me overwhelmingly inspired creatively. I'm ready to see some things happen!

Here are some thoughts arranged in no particular order:

1-First, I missed my family. I have to give my wife a HUGE shout out (as well as the village of the extended family and friends), who made this week possible for me to be away. It's been a little over one week, one hundred and sixty eight hours, since I've left. Even though I got less sleep then when we had an infant, I am more energized and refreshed than I have been since my summer sabbatical. Probably because I could be "tired" and not have to change diapers, feed anyone but myself, and not have to speak if I didn't want to. This was an option my wife didn't have this week, so I am so thankful for her partnership. I thought of her every day in gratitude. She deserves her week away, now, or least many nights off from putting the kids to bed! (Which I fully intend to give her when I return). And I can't wait to hug my kids!

2-A strange and sometimes uncomfortable thing that I often took advantage of this week was: FREE STUFF! It seemed everywhere I went there was free food, free lattes (yes, I had two a day), and free make-up (of which my wife will benefit). This is called SWAG. Free stuff ,usually for people who can afford to pay for it, anyway. Weird, but yes, I enjoyed it. Funny enough--the one day I was enjoying a free Morning Star Vege Burger, (of which I ate daily at Sundance),  I was also reading a book that had a section entitled, "No Free Food." I had to disagree with his thoughts at that moment as I enjoyed my pro-bono lunch. (See it to the right in the picture here).

 (The menu at the counter).

I was haunted by this sobering thought. Why is it that we give hundreds, thousands of dollars away to the richest people on the planet? I wrestled with this a lot this week. It is so easy to get sucked into the glitter of Hollywood, and I really wanted to temper my experience with being mindful to remember, I always am living in God's kingdom, and I want to be living his values. Which I was so grateful to have opportunities daily to pray with people, listen to their hurts and stories, and point people to the way, the truth, and the life. Which is the invitation/call for all of us in life, no matter what kind of passion/job we spend our time doing. We can live compassionately and generously, without greed.

3-They say, whoever "they" are,  that so much of the entertainment industry is "who you know." And there is a LOT of truth in that. I got invited to a table read of a screenplay entitled, "The Scoundrels Club." What a fun experience. Jeff York, was the winner of a contest that flew him out to Park City, UT, to have his script read by professional actors (which I fooled them into thinking I was).  The only reason I was sitting at that table was because I knew someone. I thank my buddy, Christian Anderson, who let me ride his coattails. It pays to make good friendships in this industry. 

 I also got to be a part of the 19th Annual SAG Awards in LA. I was basically a do-anything production gopher who did things like prepare paint sharpies for Celebs and shuttle the actual actor trophies across the auditorium and red carpet. It was quite fun and surreal seeing all the people I normally see on the big and small screens. Yes, like Hugh Jackman, and the casts of the Office, Downtown Abbey, and Glee. All because of a family connection. The only reason I was eating Wolfgang Puck gourmet food, schmoozing with actors, and wearing a suit was because I knew someone. And want to know how I was reminded of the values of the kingdom? In the bathroom, this guy, Oscar from the office, smiled and handed me a paper towel. Which caused me to pay it forward. I got a lot more stories like that!

4-"Celebrities are real people just like us." I know some grocery story magazine (People, maybe?) has a page highlighting famous people pumping gas, getting tickets, and eating bran muffins to show the world that even though they are filthy rich, they still have to pick up dog poop (most of the times). But see #2 and don't feel too sorry for them because they still have a lot of perks. The red carpet glitz and glam of Hollywood life can be a bit ridiculous. All the hype and money spent  on such events can be downright shameful when across the seas there are people starving and dying of preventable diseases. Wow, this was always on my mind. I really had to ground myself in this reality as I participated in these fancy events.  One of the things I took away, (nothing new), is that fame is fleeting. No matter who you are: the high school valedictorian,  the college football quarterback, Miss America,  the top selling software guy, the new mom, the award winning actor--every season comes to and end. Those feelings, the spotlight, the "whatever," will end. The reality is, that death is inevitable for all, but most of us like like it isn't. And someday we'll all be taking our last breath and reflecting for a split second if we truly lived a worthwhile life, which I'm determined to do. Although I love this entertainment and filmmaking industry, they must always be a means to something bigger: like enjoying healthy relationships, creating meaningful stories to impact our hearts,  and discussing real issues with others that propel us to be good humans who make a difference.

5-This leads me to my next thought. I spend a lot of my time preparing and planning for something that happens within a building regularly during the week. I teach, craft, brainstorm, and plan ways to help others experience truth, life, and love--(much like I said above: includes trying to encourage healthy relationships, good management of life's resources, and impacting the world for good and justice). That being said, we can learn a lot from movies and how they impact culture.  Thankful to the Windrider Film Forum for helping to shape this for many of us at Sundance last week. Maybe now, more than ever, I see this medium of story-telling through film and media as one of the greatest ways to reach people and move people's hearts to action. I have to continue to chew on this, but as I looked at how interactive the filmmaking events were,  (and so well organized) and how many great conversations were had, I can  safely say that everyone who participated in these events was moved in some way.  I hope to see some of this impacting what I do in Redwood City. (Below filmmakers from one of my week's favorite films, "Toy's House.").

6-We are created to have relationships. We are created to engage with others. Full theaters of film loving people resulted in lots of new friendships and inspired dreams.This is a simple truth of humanity. When you make time to do the things you love with others who share that love, you can't help but experience beauty, connect, grow close, share life, etc.(Below a crowd gives a standing ovation to the winning film, "Fruitvale," and a sign reflecting a space where workshops and panel discussions were held.).

7-Finally, I'm affirmed, once again, that I cannot escape my soul's purpose, what I believe God put within me. I have been created to create. Making films, collaborating on team, a film crew, telling meaningful stories, and acting brings me life and I know it brings life to others. I must give my time to this, or a part of me will die. And so I will be making more time to do so, and glad that my role within PCC is moving into that direction. I am praying for more clarity on that and a healthy transition for for all involved.

So, overall I am excited to return and share my experiences, but especially to be with my family. In closing,  It was This video below encapsulates the good, the crazy, and the downright superficial nature of this industry, this beast that I love. This beast that I am called to fight with, conquer, tame, and speak into my life and the lives of those around me. I love navigating through it and I love that I get to be a part of it because it both challenges me to grow and allows me to be used in the lives others.

So, although it's easy to forget, I will be intentional.  I will not seek fame, nor fortune, but find my fortune in the ONE who is already famous, and who's name will be lifted up among the nations.
And that's a wrap.

Happy New __________________

Usually I don't choose lots of structure. I love the flexibility of my schedule, the spontaneity of creativity, and the freedom to do new things. (Especially when it comes to worship gatherings, I'd rather pray and linger for hours than schedule minute by minute).  And don't get me wrong--I'm not advocating for anarchy here or  that we should all live in a nudist colony, just making a point about something I'm trying to understand about myself.

As much as I'd like to consider myself a "free-spirit," for some reason I simply cannot bend when it comes to the start/stop of Christmas.  I can't handle Holiday decorations and Christmas songs in January. For me it starts right after Thanksgiving (which I know is too early for some) and finishes when December ends.

I like it to end, when it's supposed to end, which in my mind should not extend past January 1st.

However, my kids don't share my convictions (and obviously the rest of my city doesn't either). My kids are still belting out, loud, proud, and off-key: "Hark the Herald Angels Sing," at all hours of the day and night (with the wrong lyrics) and probably will until July. Then I drive around town and see Christmas trees still displayed in houses and LED lights and neon statues all over the neighborhood. I feel like I'm a part of some conspiracy I can't escape.

 I can't explain it. It's as if my heart/mind are ready to move on to what's next, and what's NEW (which commercialism would have me believe it should be Valentine's day), but I keep getting pulled back into the past. (Which again, I'm a sap, I love good memories and reflecting on the good old days, but I'm just saying..take down the Elf on the Shelf, people).

Which leads me to my next pet peeve. The New Year Started about eleven days ago. So how long until we stop saying "Happy New Year?" Until February? Am I just a Grinch? I think not, I just think I'm right...

Just kidding.

I think it's something about wanting to have appropriate understanding, or boundaries, of a season. Although you could disagree and find a great argument in which to combat me, or just tell me to loosen up.

And I'm sure theologically I could write a whole other blog making a case to keep our Christmas lights shining all year through in order to center our wholes lives on Christmas story, and be true Biblical people who light the world for Jesus, but I'll pass.

Or..in just a small little way,  could this feeling, maybe, be another sign that we live in the tension of eternity? A tension that communicates things aren't always as they are supposed to be and we must find a way to exist in the midst of constant, mess, constant transition, constant reality stretching experiences.

A few weeks ago I talked about this tension of grief illustrating a bit of tension between the "kingdoms" we live in. listen here. 

So here comes my analogy.

We are continually trying to make sense of this eternal story, (God creates, God comes close, we destroy, we push God away, God redeems, God invites us close again) and these seasons we live in, whether winter,spring,summer, fall, or our life-stage and age, are just "whispers" reminding us that we were made for somewhere else. Like Adam and Eve, we were all made for the Garden. We were made for the freedom, clarity, and the closeness of the Garden, but we messed it up, he intervenes, and helps us to make sense of the world and live like we were made--for Heaven.

We were made to live in perpetual beauty, with no confusion, and no starting/stopping of celebrations, relationships, or life itself.

So, for what it's worth, I wish you simply a HAPPY NEW PERSPECTIVE or whatever it is you need to center your life on God in 2013. Happy New  _______. You fill in the blank. What do you need this year, this season? Whatever it is, I know that God is able and enough to fulfill you. And I started this year reminding myself of Ephesians 3:14-21.

For this reason I kneel before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

This is my prayer to remember God can do more than I could ever ask or imagine.

And this is my prayer, too, that whatever you do, you take down your inflatable people, blinking icicle lights, and over-sized, ginormous ornaments that are so heavy they are breaking the trees in your front yard..no later than February 1st.. Thank you. 

Then God spoke..through Lady Gaga & Woody Allen

So there I was on my knees, weeping in a hotel room.
It was a completely unexpected moment, and it wasn't on my to-do list.

I had twenty-four hours, kid-free, with my wife, to celebrate our anniversary.

We had it all planned:
Go for a a great run,
eat a great meal,
watch a great movie,
and most importantly- sleep in!

We had checked almost everything off our list. After watching a bit of the Woody Allen film, "To Rome with Love," my wife had decided she wanted to get outside and run. I voted to stay in bed and finish the rest of the movie.

Now this was a very rare morning. Actually odd. Not just that I lounging in bed watching a movie at 10am, kid free, in a random hotel in luxurious San Jose, but just an hour earlier, when I woke up, (ah what a gift to sleep in until 9am), my mind was singing the chorus of a Lady Gaga song.

Now, before you roll your eyes...

I am not above Lady Gaga. I may have trouble admitting singing along to Justin Bieber, but not Lady Gaga. So scoff if you want, but this was something supernatural.

Really.

And yes, it was a bit perplexing to acknowledge that God might speak to me through a scantily clad, raw meat wearing, artist.... but he did.

So how you ask? Listen to the song. And I stress the word LISTEN. For some of you may need to  not watch, if you have issues with a Gaga's tight, leather-wearing, dance moves as she straddles everything in sight.

But don't be distracted from the truth at hand.

I experienced God in a deep way, and to this day, when I hear this song. I'm able to find hope in God's presence with me. See the lyrics here, and focus in on the chorus:

I'm on the edge of glory
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth
Out on the edge of glory
And I'm hanging on a moment with you
I'm on the edge with you.

Could it be possible that God's love might pour through someone that doesn't even realize it? By all means, I believe so. I woke up that morning with a sense of God's incredible closeness, because of a pop song, that honestly,
-- I had never really listened to fully before.

With that song, I was affirmed that God had always been with me all my life, all my years of marriage, and that we are always living on this "edge of glory."

Every decision made, every problem that needs to be solved, every dream that is being pursued is an opportunity to experience God, to experience his glory.

God is right there, in every moment, with truth, doing something, something that could only be explained as GLORIOUS.

The ironic part of this experience  was that in this season of life,  it felt anything but glorious.

If you've read my posts (from grief to disillusionment), this season has been hard. But God was saying in the difficult moments: THERE IS GLORY. 

Glory to be had and glory to come. 

Let me TRY to define what I mean by glory.

 It is both a noun and a verb, a feeling and a truth, both the embodiment and culmination of: everything praiseworthy, wonderful, beautiful and majestic. It is great gratification and exultation, the height of prosperity and achievement.

Yes, words limit this definition. But GOD IS GLORY, gives GLORY and somehow IN EVERYTHING.. HE DOES defines Glory and makes EVERYTHING Glorious.


So this Gaga song is stirring in my head as I'm watching Woody Allen's film. And it all collided together for me. I had a supernatural moment of hope and life!

 I don't have time to philosophize on Woody Allen film theory, and I'm no Roger Ebert.

But here's what I know. On the most basic level, this goofy guy, with a messy personal life (just like us all), who's been around Hollywood for the longest time, knows how to tell a good story, (usually with very quirky and unique characters).

Woody's films explore humanity's deep questions.

Why do we exist?
 What is life all about?
Is there a God, and if so why so much evil in the world?

 Almost all of his movies ask these (and many more) questions.

And in this particular film, set in my most favorite of all places, ROME, his characters go through some interesting conflicts in relationships and with fame. Both Woody's character in the film and another main character point out there stance on God. (One declares his atheism, and another declares he doesn't know if God exists and  people react negatively toward him).

But the crux of the story for me?

Who knows me? 
Who loves me? 
Who will be there for me when relationships don't work like we want themto and fame doesn't satisfy like we thought it would? 
What happens when people don't give us the credit we think we deserve?

Good questions.

So there I was. On my knees. Weeping. And celebrating the answer to those questions.

On my anniversary, I could celebrate the love of my wife and the great years of marriage.
I was reflecting on my life, my questions, my disappointments, my unanswered questions, my dreams, life and death and everything in between.

And all I could do was thank God. All I could do was acknowledge something GLORIOUS, something good, something meaningful was happening.

I thanked God for choosing me, knowing me, being with me, providing for me, guiding me, and putting loved ones in my life. 

And I thanked God for using what is important to me (music and film), to give me his truth in a meaningful and compassionate way.

Thank you God.
Thank you Gaga.
Thank you Woody.

2 Corinthians 3:12-18
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. But their minds were made dull for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read, it has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away.  Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.