My 1 year old's L's

Cutest thing. My daughters L's are are said like Y's.  Every time she talks in her little voice I wanna just stop time.

Here's a few of my favorites:


Yook at me.  (Look at me)

I yike it. (I like it)

Heyyo? (Hello?)

I yove you. (I love you).

Where's my yammy? (Lamby)

More Quotes from a 3 year old

These all came out tonight.

5/15/2010

Me: Ok, now lets pray and be quiet so we can listen to hear Jesus talk to us.

(after a minute)

My Daughter: I don’t hear anything I think he’s sleeping.

Me: (deep breath) Well, Jesus actually doesn’t sleep in Heaven.

My Daughter: (Perplexing look)

Me: I know we just finished reading about Jesus calming the waves on the boat & and he was sleeping in that story, but now in Heaven he doesn’t sleep.

My daughter: I think he’s just talking to other people so we need to wait until he’s finished so he can talk to us.

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My daughter: Lets pretend I’m Mary and you’re Joseph.

Me: Ok, lets get on the donkey and go to Bethlehem to have Jesus.

My daughter: No, we have to get married first and go to Tahoe.

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While praying for our victims of human trafficking, (I call them kid slaves with my daughter), I told her that many of them are orphans so we need to pray for God to give them mommies and daddies.

My daughter: What’s an orphan?

Me: A little kid who doesn’t have a mom or a dad.

Me daughter: Why?

Me: Well, uh, (gulp) because some parents left or some died (gulp)..so we need to pray for them.

My daughter: Dad….don’t die…

VLOG 14 September 2009 TRT 4:59

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phf8aaVN7Sc

Quotes from my Daughter

We keep a little journal of things that our daughter, Isella (pronounced EE-Sella), says, Sometimes she has us cracken up and other times just in awe of the way her mind works.

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Isella: That’s a cantaloupe (pointing to what she thought was an antelope).

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Isella: Papa, where is Jesus Right now?

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Isella: What are you doing?

Wendy: checking to see if the dishwasher is clean or dirty. What are you doing Isella?

Isella: I’m just hanging out.

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Isella: I love faces. My face is furry. (She got that from Elmo, I think).

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Tony: I’m going to eat cereal.

Isella: Good for you, Papa!

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Isella at chiropractor’s office, after watching Wendy get an “adjustment” she says: "Mommy has BONES."

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Isella: Daddy’s going to work and taking his feet.

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Isella: Happy Mothers’ day Daddy. (a week after the actual mothers’ day).

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Isella: Mommy what are you making for dinner?

My wife: Pasta with broccoli and sausage…

Isella: and syrrruuuppp!

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Me: Please be careful on the trampoline

Isella: If I fall down a Doctor can help me and look in my ears.

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Me: What do you want for lunch?

Isella: DINNNEEERRRR!!!

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Me: What story should we tell tonight?

Isella: Let's talk about a dog named Barb.

Mentoring boys to men.

No, this post is not about that musical quartet from the 80's.

This video from Donald Miller's group, made me think of our beloved little Cameron (pic below), who we as a PCC family have seemed to adopt as our own-of which I am so proud of his mom, Bristol, and our whole PCChurch family, for all the love around him.

The Mentoring Project - Elephant Musth Cycle from The Mentoring Project on Vimeo.

I get to be one of Cameron's official mentors-as I am one of his "God-parents". This is no trite job in my opinion. Coming from andItalian background and having Godparents myself--all I remember about my GP's is that they gave money on my birthday and Christmas. I don't remember the "God-part." As far as I can remember we didn't talk about God, pray, or share anything intentionally spiritual. But when I did see them, they were loving, friendly, and always full of cheek pinches and good food! (As every good Italian does, which we could also argue is deeply spiritual). But for me, I want to be intentional with Cameron in significant ways, (as well as any kid in my life, especially boys: who need to be taught how to be men)! So, when I see Cam, I try to hug him, say that I love him, prayer over him, or remind him of how God has created him for special purposes. (It's not hard to believe when you see him playing guitar and singing).


Tonight at La Tartine, Cameron and I shared a bowl of Chowder and talked 3.5 year old stuff. Later he asked me to take him to the bathroom.
We waited in the cafe hall for the "boys room," and it was taking a long time. Meanwhile..more 3.5 year old convo happened (lots of questions and asking "Why?" when I gave an answer). The guy before us must have had some serious business. The "Girls' room" was open and I suggested it to Cam since we could have easily have snuck in and used it (and honestly I just wanted to speed up the process), but Cameron really wanted to use the "Boys' room," and insisted on waiting. It hit me how monumental that is..using the "Boy's room," it's a rite of passage: another step for boys to feel manly! I loved that little moment! Cameron wasn't about to sell himself short and he was willing to patiently wait. And I'm glad we did!



Intentionality doesn't have to be BIG, it just has to be intentional.

Look into a child's eyes, affirm him/her, put your hand on her/his head and pray a blessing, kneel down and hug a child and ask about their day..then really listen, put a child on your shoulders and parade them around while singing their praises and shouting their name,

Be intentional. Intentionality is a lifetime... and it's a lifetime of five minute interactions, week long trips, two-minute phone calls, three page letters, hour-long conversations, weekend retreats, afternoon adventures...

This is NOT the End of the Road.

Nothing like it

I have taken this week off to relax post summer stuff and to restore for the fall. Although I'm still tired (but no where near as tired as my wife who nurses our often sleepless youngest 2 times a night, thank you Wendy!), I've had just amazing times with my wife and kids. It's not like we're vacationing in Hawaii (oh how I wish), we're just home hanging out, swimming beneath piles of laundry, dishes, and diapers, but we're just home together, eating together, doing errands together..It's good! Often, I literally find myself saying in my head, "Thank you God! I love being a husband and a dad," as I chase my oldest around the house and listen to my youngest squeal with baby delight as she watches. Last night I was out for a few hours and when I came home the girls were sleeping but I just had to go in and see them. I just watched my daughter sleep. I put my hand over her and prayed. Thanking God and asking him to continue to bless her, protect her, and grow her into the person he has created her to become. There is nothing else in the world like this. Gratitude, pride, fulfillment, and hope..even in exhaustion, there is nothing like it. Nothing. I'm so stoked to have this awareness and realization come often! It's needed because honestly, there are just as many tiring/difficult times competing with those beautiful moments, that I could easily forget God's goodness and find hundreds of things to complain about. Here's a few shots of those times of joy...

Here's my daughter Isella sitting in a tub ("Look at me, Papa,") we are using to collect school supplies for our friend Autumn's class in EPA. Her 1st graders who got no crayons and barely any supplies because of CA budget cuts. If you'd like to contribute let me know! She and her co-workers are in huge need.


And here's Lulu, just smiling as usual non-stop with her amazing chubby cheeks, while we got to enjoy some downtown RWC.

Why I feel like a Zombie

Thanks to great technology (the video baby monitor), we can see what our kids are doing instead of sleeping. Which means that we aren't sleeping either cause we're too busy watching..and laughing. Mercy! But we're happy our daugjther loves to sing and loves to sing to God (Blessed Be Your Name and How Great is our God our two of her regulars)...Just hoping she sings herself to sleep. This girl could pass up every afternoon nap to sing and play in her crib. Pray for my kids to sleep well..and while you're at it, pray their parents sleep well, too!

(If you can't see the video on Facebook, click here).

Technical difficulties

I despise some of the (almost pornographic) ads on myspace. (What's with 90% of myspace users named something that sounds like a My Little Pony figure?). That's why I use Facebook, where they make users use their real names and there's way less compromising ads.
But I get overwhelmed with how many ways we can be contacted nowadays. I'm having to defend myself from the guilt that comes when I don't return these requests (or pokes) in a timely matter. The call back list seems to grow daily for me. Sigh...

Facebook messages, TEXTs, IM's, Voice mails on the cell, home, and office phone.
Then there's Email--most of us have not just one, but two, even three. Skype (video chat) and I can't believe I joined TWITTER, but I like the way you can connect it to facebook. So I dug my own hole, but I intend to use these avenues of communication for God with good, guiltless boundaries. I want to connect people and share stories, prayer, and scripture via my updates (I'll spare you *and my time* from taking any quizzes. Sorry to sound snobby, I just don't want to know what type of Bacon, Fungus, or Disney princess I am:). I'll accept anyone who wants to be my virtual friend even the most random people that I wonder why they requested me. Do they really want to keep in touch or just have a large number of virtual friends? I guess I'll never know. (BTW..how much time comparatively do you think we spend on the computer compared to face to face conversations with real humans and even with God praying or reading the Bible? I'm convicted). A friend of mine blogged about why she wouldn't get a facebook and a lot her points called me out.

Here's some questions I have in general about this growing part of American life:
Does all this tech stuff make us more
narcissistic?
FB, Twitter, myspace, and blogs give us us more ways to tell the world about US? I mean does the world really need me to update my status with:

7:48am I woke up. Still tired. Furry Teeth.
8:30-I ate cheerios, two bowls. Honey Nut.
9:30am-Deodorant. Old Spice. Ever Clear. Goes on smooth.
11:57-I'm chewing gum and it's really stale.

You've got to watch this Twitter spoof.

We have more venues to focus on ourselves and this isn't always good. See this article on MSN.
How do we monitor this and protect ourselves from overly indulging in our self?

2-Does all this advancement in technology just give us more distractions from engaging in real life? I think sometimes yes that's why we need good boundaries. I have to deliberately TURN OFF my phone and computer--everything to have some quiet and also to give my family my best attention. I'm ashamed at how much I feel "compelled" to check email in the car or anytime during the day. I'm trying to give myself some hours of use and I'm limiting my Facebook time to prevent an addiction. Shane Hipps thinks all this virtual engagement diminishes community. Watch his video. What do you think?

I want to be aware. Challenged. Connected to God and real community. But don't expect me to bail completely from all this tech stuff. I really do enjoy it and see it's benefits. It's good when used in moderation, for intentional purposes, and for a tool to inform and encourage. Still, I want to be careful for my own heart, and especially for my family as I make a statement with how I spend time time. And like I recently shared, I don't want to be known as a hubby/dad stuck to my cell phone or glued to my computer. Now with that: Turn off the computer and do something. Start a revolution. Play a board game with your spouse. Go outside. Talk to a friend. Hug a tree, just don't plant a virtual one on my facebook, please.

This is how I want my kids to know me

There are moments like these, when I'm relaxed, in the Word, and choosing closeness with my kids that I say to myself, this is how I want them to know me. I want love to be the hallmark of my life and my home. (Thanks to Wendy who takes pictures so that they, and I, can remember)!

I also want them to know me as a loving husband to their mom, patient and compassionate when I need to discipline, willing to get on the floor with them, a man of my word, a man of THE word, a man of prayer, and a man of God who acts like Jesus and lives a faithful, passionate life of love for others, one who blesses others, a man who and takes care of the poor and needy, a man who models healthy expression of emotions, a man who is a good steward of God's money, a man who beleives God for his power and ushers in the kingdom....Hmm..no small feat.

This is how I don't want them to know me:
Busy
Glued to the computer
In front of the TV
On my cell phone
Selfish

Stressed

Anxious
Always late to things that are important to them
Overworked
Negative/Harsh/Judgmental toward them and others
Complaining about life's challenges
Materialistic
Angry

Passive
Sarcastic
Fake
Legalistic

With God's love and power--this will be possible.

Rewards

I get parenting tips weekly online. This one struck me. I know not everyone who reads my blog is a parent, but what can we learn about this in regards to God? I think it applies. God rewards each of us differently and uniquely, too. I love it!

Should You Give Rewards Equally?
Rewards can be helpful at times to encourage growth in character. If you have a daughter who continually interrupts, you may focus on the character quality of thoughtfulness. You may set up an alternative behavior so that whenever she feels like interrupting, instead of just talking, she puts her hand on your arm as a signal that she wants to talk. You might then put your hand on her hand indicating that you have "heard" her and that you will allow her to speak in just a moment. It's a great technique to teach thoughtfulness. What if the child is still having a hard time not interrupting? You may try a reward to raise the stakes for your daughter and get her over the initial hump to learn a new pattern.

Be sure though as you work with habits of behavior like this you're also talking about the heart. "I appreciate the way you're becoming more thoughtful." Or, "We're doing this to develop some self control in your relationships."

Sometimes parents struggle because when they reward one child, they feel they need to reward all their children. Should you reward one child when you don't reward the other? This thought comes from the belief that fair means equal. Children often point out what they view to be inequity in a situation and call that unfair. But children are all unique. Each child has different strengths and weaknesses, and should be treated uniquely. Parents get into real trouble when they try to treat all their kids equally.

Teach your children that you don't even try to treat them the same. If a brother sees his sister receiving a reward, and he wants one too, then you might say, "Your sister is working on something in her life and the reward is for her progress and effort. If you want to work on a character quality in your life, let me know and I'll think of a reward for you too." Don't be motivated by the "It's not fair" complaint. That's just an indication that children don't understand what fairness really is.

Fairness treats all children according to their needs, which usually isn't equal. Each child needs to feel loved and cared for. Each child needs to work on particular issues. Focus on each of your children as individuals and reward them according to their needs.

This idea was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Baby Theology

We can already see my daughter's creativity, imagination, and theology coming out at 21 months old. She now says she's "pretending" and talks to her baby dolls and animals, showing them around, asking them questions and even answering for them. She has suggested we pray for them, too so I make sure to thank God for making teddy and koala bears. She has also used her Koala bear to lay hands on me when I asked her to pray for my mouth. It was really a sweet moment that I wasn't sure if I was going to laugh or cry. She also has started changing the lyrics to some songs, like Mary had a little lamb. Sometimes Mary has a panda, or a teddy, and sometimes a monkey. Today she was singing:

Mary had a little Jesus...

And actually, she's theologically correct. Jesus Christ is the lamb of God.

Big Boys Don't Cry???

Warning: Soap Box Alert! Some of you may cringe, especially you parents. I must share- this is something I've always thought about doing, but never had the guts to do what I did yesterday. I offered unsolicited parenting advice. Well, not exactly, but here's the story.

My men's group was hanging out in Chipotle for dinner. We were having one of the deepest talks about some of our darkest hours of manhood. No joke, when we overhead a parenting conversation between a mom and her two year old son. They were leaving the restaurant and the little blond haired boy was upset he didn't have his toy to play with as he put his coat on. We heard her telling her son, "Big boys don't cry," and we all looked at each other realizing that WE DO CRY, sometimes. So boldly, with some humor, we had the following exchange:

Mom: Big boys don't cry. Stop crying. We have to leave.
Me: Ma'am, we can't help but overhear and we just wanna say, big boys DO cry... sometimes.
Mom: Do they cry when their dump trucks are taken away prematurely?
Me: Sometimes they do. This guy (pointing to Rocky in our group) just got a new car and he was crying cause his old car was jacked up. But he's happy now.
Rocky: I had a truck and it was a dump.
Me: Cars do make us cry, sometimes, so do girls, broken hearts, and any other time we're sad. Just want to remind you that it's OK for big boys to cry sometimes.
Mom: Your right. It's just an innocent peer pressure tactic that really seems to work his age.

Obviously I don't want to make this a habit but I really felt compelled. Thankfully the mom was receptive and jokingly accepted our quips. Maybe it'll spare this kid years of therapy and his future wife from complaining her husband is emotionally distant. I know from my own experience that these seemingly "innocent tactics" are dangerous and can have lasting, harmful effects. If I had a dollar for every man I know who has emotional issues, including myself, from some stereotypical, misrepresentation of manhood expressed to them growing up, I'd have a lot of money to give away. Regardless, I know parenting a toddler is hard and I pray grace on this mom and her son and the ability to live (and parent) with God's help and power.

I don't babysit ...my daughter.

Another confirmation that the roles of men are slightly twisted in society.

I was pushing Isella in the cart up to the man checking out groceries (and no we don't use the super duper cart covers)

and had the following interaction:
Man at checkout: Hi who's this?
Me: This is my daughter, Isella.
Man at checkout: Oh, is daddy babysitting today?
Me: No, I'm just spending time with her as my wife's away right now.

I guess I felt a little off put. I don't babysit my daughter, ever. When it's just me and her, I'm spending time with her one on one, not babysitting. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be defensive and I'm sure this guy wasn't trying to be insulting whatsoever but it made me wonder about his perspective. Here's where I psychoanalyze.

I don't like the assumption that if mom's not around that dad "just babysits" Nothing against babysitting, but a father needs to be much more than just a short term, temporary caretaker.

There are assumptions of fatherhood. Wrong perceptions of a dad's responsibility. That's why this post is so important. Is this just because many dads aren't seen with their kids or it's assumed that dads don't spend time with their kids ? Or is it just more common that moms/women and kids are the ones shopping? Either way, it just struck me strange, and I felt a little sad because of it.

What I would have rather heard: "Oh is today a a daddy daughter day?, or "Great, some special one on one time with daddy and his daughter. That's great to see."

Bottom line for me and my children, I want to be a very loving and present father who is engaged in their life.

Am I too sensitive or analytical?
Is this a true perspective as seen in our society, (why/how)?
Should we use the cart covers while grocery shopping?

"Doing" weddings

I got to do three wedding ceremonies this summer. Two for great friends in our community and just last week, for my own brother. I really like "doing" weddings. Partly because it's exciting to stand before two people making such a huge commitment as the one representing God in sealing the promise. Another reason is I like to have fun (and make weddings fun-Have you ever been to a boring wedding? Ug! Comment now!) and remind people of God's design and how amazing marriage can be--especially for the guests. I think some of the brides and the grooms are so busy, excited, stressed, nervous, scattered, distracted, and hungry that they barely remember what the officiant says until they watch the video after the honeymoon. That's just how it goes sometimes for some. But the guests who come, although maybe hungry, aren't so distracted and a little more open to "heart." I always assume the following in regards to the guests: 1-Some are married and enjoying it, working hard and making it work. 2-Some are married and hating it, it's too much work, or they don't put enough work into it to make it enjoyable-therefore they come skeptical and bitter about marriage (some actually betting how long this newlywed couple will last and some even on the verge of divorce). 3-Others are single because they haven't been married yet, divorced, or death, and of those some really want to be married badly and others never again-for many reasons. And finally there are some who will never married as they are gifted by God to do so. So.. Whew, that's a huge cross section of people in which to address a message on God's design--within ten minutes, but I always try. This past week was especially challenging as I stood before my whole family and my one and only (blood) brother, Chris.

My Daughter, Isella, was one of three little flower girls (my cousin's daughters). Here they are as they wait for their big moment.

Here she is checking Papa's pockets for lint, snacks,...money..(BTW--my flower eventually got fixed).

We have a very large family (part due to being Italian, the other due to divorces, remarriages, and adoptions). Here are some family shots.

Above -my Mom with all my other brothers and sisters. (A combination of step-siblings, 3 adopted siblings, and three others who are foster brothers. Brady Bunch: eat your heart out!) This is my cousin's son, Caden, below. That night my cousin and I were talking about parenting and leading our children (that are on "loan" from God). I got to pray over him that night, and we had an impromptu dedication. It was a cool privilege.

Here is my Aunt and Uncle: Jerri and Daryl, with my two cousins: Gavin (5) and Cooper (1.5).
I have spoken about them a lot. Although I call them "Aunt and Uncle," they are more like good friends. Daryl is actually like a brother, both to me and Chris. Many of my friends have been praying for Daryl and his fight against cancer. He continues to amaze me with his great attitude. He has survived cancer over eight years. He is now in a new round (somewhat experimental and new) of radiation. Please continue to pray for him. What I loved about this wedding is that my brother and sister-in-law decided to make a donation to LiveStrong and gave everyone yellow bracelets, in which I am now wearing as a great reminder to pray for Daryl and all those (8 Million) fighting Cancer.


My dad giving his best man speech. He said it would be "short" and rolled out a scroll. He's to the right of the layered cake in the middle.

I choked up twice. Once during the ceremony talking about the importance modeling the love of God in our marriages according to Ephesians 5:22ff and showing love to your spouse by encouraging them with words (thinking of my own wife and how much I love her for being a great mom). The second was during my reception speech when I was encouraging my Chris, my brother. All his friends know him by the nickname, "Gap." What people don't know is that he shares the "Gap" nickname (and wears it well) with my Grandfather, who I was named after: Anthony James (Gap) Gapastione. Grandpa Gap was one of the most influential men in my life and I only had ten years with him. He died over twenty years ago, But it goes to show the power of someone who loves much. He went out of his way to spend time with me, made me feel special (nicknamed me A.J.), and was a generous and loving person. I still have fond memories of him and become emotional when I talk about his influence on my life-over twenty years ago his legacy still lives on. What great footsteps to follow for my brother and me.


Poppie and Grandma (Isella's names for my Dad and StepMom). Doesn't my Dad look like James Gandolfini(The guy who played Tony Soprano)?





You know I'm gonna get down when my brother comes up to me and says, "Let's have a dance off!" What is this? Grease? High School Musical? Either way, I'm poppin' moves that would make John Travolta and Justin Timberlake cringe. But hey, I had fun. (no wonder people like to crash weddings).



Yes ladies and gentleman, all this with not a sip of alcohol. This is no joke. Somewhere in a dance hall in Illinois late last Saturday night: yes, I did think I could dance!

A favorite part of life. My daughter in my lap.


Congrats Mr. & Mrs. (Chicago) Gapastione. Although, they are not the only Chicago Gapastiones, they now must be distinguished from Wendy and me as the Cali-Gaps.

By the way, I received so many text messages and facebook comments about how people were praying for me and my family during the weekend. Thank you! I love being a part of the church! A huge shout out to the Newlywed Koldings who sensed God was going to do something completely awe-inspiring. And so I waited and waited and one of the coolest moments was at 11:55pm, 5 minutes before the dance-a-thon (reception) shut down. A guy (friend of my brother) came up to me and asked a question. It started like this:

Guy: So what kind of church are you a part of
Me: One of those weird, judgmental cult ones, why? (No Just kidding)
Me: A Christian one.
Guy: What kind of Christian one?....

Then we started talking about God, the Church, grace, bad experiences with boring, irrelevant churches etc...And I tried not to rant or get on a soapbox too much but I was really excited someone was really interested seeking God. It seemed like he was hungry for the real God who he hadn't quite seen presented in a way that was loving or likable. So I did my best to affirm him about God's goodness and plan. I talked about our church family and how I had experienced God through community.

Guy: Well, if I could find a church like the one you are talking about I would love to be a part of that!

It was so awesome.

and GOD-RONICALLY, he and his family live in a town that has a great church that meets and serves there. We've talked by phone and he's now considering looking into this church --which happens to be the same one in which Aunt and Uncle are a part of in Illinois.

I am "awe-inspired!"

Chase me, Catch me

What a (good) crazy long week. A week of 14 hour days (training week for the interns) ended with an ER visit and a 72 hour virus for Isella. We were so thankful when Friday afternoon she became our happy little girl again. It was so hard to see her cry and just have to "push" through it until the fever broke. I'm so glad it did. Now I can celebrate Father's day with out worries. So in honor of Father's day I have a dad refelction!

My daughter has been doing this thing for a while. It's the "Chase Me" game. She crawls as fast as she can around the coffee table (or into her bedroom), looking behind her to see if we'll chase her.


And of course, we (either Wendy or I) DO chase her. We say, "I'm gonna get you!" (Which is so funny because that seems like such a weird thing to say. "I'm gonna get you?" Isn't that a line from some B horror movie? Somehow it ended up being a playful game for kids.


Anyway..along the chase, we play Peek-a-boo, and duck behind doorways and tables saying, "I see you." She just giggles and loves it. She will often bend around corners and just scream gleefully!

I can't help but think of God while this exchange is going on. When I catch her I just hug, kiss, tickle, and tell her I love her over and over and over. (As I'm doing that I always sense God saying to me, "Tony, I LOVE YOU, I love YOU, I LOVE you, I LOVE you, I LOVE YOU, too!") Then she gets up and starts the whole thing over. Almost as if to say, "Will you keep chasing me?" And I always want to answer: YES! Isella, Papa loves you and always wants to be close to you!





Isn't that what we all want? We want to be wanted, we want to be chased...even when we are running away.

I'm glad that's what God does!