an ignorant, foolish, or silly person

I recently tried out Scrabble for a few rounds. Humbling for me since I played my wife Wendy and she beat me... blindfolded. Normally, I would avoid games that take intellectual left brain skill (ie: I hate Trivia Pursuit), cause I opt for games where I can act and just make a fool of my right brained self. That kind of competition I can do! But I wanted to play Scrabble out of shear desire to try and feel smart---- it didn't work. There's quite a distinction between "feeling" smart and "being" smart. (That was pretty profound, huh? Maybe I AM smart).

On the serious side, I've realized that when it comes to my mind--I'm definitely not a "scholar."(among other things). I''ll never be the tweed-coat clad theologian pastor puffing a pipe and sitting next to the fireplace deliberating on the profundities (now there's a good scrabble word) of Biblical interpretation. I'm not much for heady conversations. Don't get me wrong-I like details, information, and "knowing" all I can about the Good News but I lean more toward the touchy feely side of the Gospel. God's story is a fact--that we choose to believe but I also believe we must choose to feel the Good News, too. I might not be able to debate systematic theology and get an A (after all read this:) cause what, (or who), I really know is Jesus, the love of God, and his Spirit-empowered, world-changing story of hope. You'd think that would be enough, but honestly... I sometimes have to fight to believe this---the truth that this--God's love and his transforming power in my life--is enough. You see, a lot my brokenness (on-going and from the past) enslaves me to comparisons.

I have no plaques, degrees, or scholarly achievements from any prestigious places hanging on my office wall. I probably never will even if I do finally attain my Masters one day. In fact, not only do I lack lots of intellectual credentials, I'm void in a lot of areas: For instance:

I had to ask someone one time what the acronym MLB stood for, which goes to show that I'm not in the know at all when it comes to sports. Admittedly, I often feel small when conversations come up and I can't contribute stats, college football projections, or any pertinent info on baseball, basketball..not even ping-pong is on my radar. Your Grandma could beat me.
I pretty much know nothing about mortgages, escrow, stocks and/or bonds. Although I wish I had the ability to play the market and own a house, I'm just happy that God provides just enough for our little family..check to check.

If I pick up a hammer or screwdriver--beware!! Run for the hills and protect your children. I suck dirt at fixing things and couldn't build a block, let alone a house. My wife's had to accept that the bar for my handyman skills is low and she's just happy when I'm able to change a light bulb, or fold up our double stroller (-think sumo wrestling). When I attempt to fix stuff my thumbs end up paying for it. Besides have you seen my thumbs?

Sorry to all my gamer friends but as for video games you won't want to pick me for your team. I can't join in on that past time, I'd rather go to the dentist than play video games.

This list could go on. Things in this world that I just don't know, won't ever know, and realistically don't ever want to learn.

This is when I realized I'm a simpleton and I'm OK with it.

This post is not about self loathing. It's actually about self acceptance. God really spoke love to me this as I was coming to terms with my limitations...which are actually not limitations but specific freedoms which increase my ability to be who God created me to be. I'm growing more and more in my understanding of God's full love and complete acceptance of me and who I am. That I'm a man, made in his image, capable of leading and living passionately for him and also leading my wife and kids by his power and love. And when I stand before him one day he will not be judging me on how on my knowledge of sports history stats or the makes and models of cars.

What matters is knowing HIM, loving him and loving others! Whew!

So with what I know..I will fight. With what I am passionate about. I will live a life of worship and I will (try) not to compare myself to others. I will resolve to know Jesus! I will choose to love God and seek to serve others with His love and power. That's what makes us truly wise.

If you feel like me, Please read:
1 Corinthians 2

We need to be eloquently well spoken, intellectually knowledeble or put together to be used by God. We just need to know God, be ourselves, and let Him work through us. God can even use a simpleton.

Dallas LeadNow Day 3

The final day of the conference.
God knew what I needed. I need time to hear from him. It's obvious that my life (busyness, practicality, ministry) can often crowd out God's voice and plan for my life. My eyes are puffy from tears, my mind is overwhelmed with truth, my heart is full of emotion, my body is tired... but I feel refreshed. He removed me from my normal life/responsibilities and spoke over and over truths that I know that I need to work and act upon. Is it any surprise that 1-God yearns for alone time with us to shower his love and 2-God wants to use us to bless and restore the world? NO! We know these things, right? Why aren't we taking more action? I could not get away from God's wooing of me and I can't avoid his call on my life. Part of that being to care for orphans. I will be actively praying and seeking ways to act on God's mandate to care for children. We (the Gapastiones) and WE (the Church) need to take action on this. Please pray as I seek God's direction and the resources of his people.

God loves a cheerful (hilarious) giver. -2 Corinthians 9:7.

If you are a part of PCC's young adult community, you'll hear the stories of God's working these past three days. When truth is spoken, and his people are receptive, change is inevitable. I'm really excited to see what God does in this group who came and how they grow into God's leaders within our community!

It was great to see, hang, and pray with Matt, too. He got some pics that I didn't. Check it.

I also found a new song I liked (used in one of the conference videos) by the Killers. It's called Human which has an interesting explanation here.

Dallas LeadNow Day 2

Let's see. Day 2. God is speaking to me. My journal is filling. I'm overwhelmed, amazingly encouraged, tired, ready, scared, raw, and loving my savior more. Getting voice mails from my wife and daughter don't help keep my eyes dry, either. I can't believe my little 19 month old can say, "Hi Daddy, I love you."

So, I've been in sessions, meals, and concerts for 14 hours today. I don't have much but I know I must get a few thoughts out. Here are some quotes:
Washington D.C. isn't going to change the world, the Church is.-Erwin McManus
If we truly read the word of God, and lived it out, what kind of Church would we be?-Francis Chan.
The Bible isn't a book of "How to's" it's a book of "Why's."--Donald Miller
Above is Erwin Mcmanus, who seriously looks a lot like Lou Diamond Phillips,
reminded us that faith is NOT safe. We must dream dreams that we are passionate about and that will also benefit and bless the world (not just merely ourselves). This takes discipline to do something risky, that might fail, but that completely depends on God. Francis Chan than challenged us to live by the Spirit and not minimize his power to events/messages/movements that depend on human accomplishments. And Donald Miller confronted us with living in God's story and exhorted us to live a GOOD story: significant, purposeful-with the expectation of conflict, that will draw others in and bless the world.

God change us.

LeadNow 2008

Today I was planning out my year with all the gatherings, retreats, events, and personal and family travel (which will be fully released soon, I hope). Last year, Jeff, (friend and PCCYA leader and servant), and I attended this cool conference that we plan to return to in Dallas. So I went to their link to find out the dates and found me in their promo video. Hey, do I get any residuals for that?

LeadNow 2008

Either way, we have spots open for this trip. Are you someone aspiring to be a leader in this generation? Do you love God and his peolple and want to know how to make a differece in our community and in the world? Then consider going to Dallas Texas November 13-15! Roughly costs $400 with food, flight, and lodging.