The Sound Room: Emotional Intimacy

As we finish out February, the month where we typically think about love, red hearts, romance, and gifts from that special person. This podcast isn't about dating or marriage specifically, it's about EMOTIONAL INTIMACY, which is important to every and any relationship: friends, family, co-workers, Church family, and especially in marriage.

I really like how God moves so differently in each person he's created.
I've had this podcast going for about three and half months now. It's called THE SOUND ROOM (TSR) and you can subscribe via iTunes! I'm really stoked on the stories we've captured. I really want to encourage you to listen in, pass them on, and let us know how you are impacted. This podcast features BRIAN PERSON, personal friend and counselor to both me and my wife. He discusses the challenges to healthy emotionally intimacy in this conversation that deals with boundaries, honesty, and addressing red flags in our life.

Marriage is hard

Every wedding I officiate I include those three words: Marriage is hard. It's a biblical concept. Paul told the Corinthians, "Those who marry will have problems." Anyone who thinks "Happily Ever After," doesn't take work, isn't living in reality. That's why right after I say those three words I remind each couple that with God's power and two people committed to God and each other, the hard work becomes a blessing and a sweet reward of deep friendship and life-long companionship. Just like no one becomes holy by accident, no marriage becomes good with out major work, communication, forgiveness, prayer, and commitment on a regular basis!

A couple weeks ago we had guest speakers join our gatherings and speak on marriage.
Wendy and I both were very encouraged. I really encourage all married couples to listen. I think those single and wanting to be married would benefit from listing, too. Enjoy Paul and Virgina Friesen as they encourage married couples to work hard and singles to have a realistic picture of marriage.! These are three different talks that build on one another. Click and listen!

Firestarters

Keeping Hot part 1

Keeping Hot Part 2

Don't listen to the Bachelor

I have no concept of time right now. I joke around and ask Wendy (ala LOST), "When are we?" We are very sleep deprived. In writing this post I'm barely sure what day it is, let alone when I noticed, but it seemed loads of people were updating their facebook status last week in response to the Bachelor. Some were mad, others wrote it off as staged, and still some ranted how ridiculous it was. I was intrigued. What happened? Thanks to YOUTUBE here's what I found!





To be honest, I think these types of relationship reality shows are not only cheesy, but crap. Crap. They don't encourage God's design therefore can add to difficulty people have in making good relationship decisions. Could these shows be like Harlequin romance novels? They perpetuate wrong expectations and encourage Hollywood-type fantasies (some sexual) that are not possible in the "real world." Since these are some of the very lies I BOUGHT into myself back in the day, I am speaking from experience. Here's a quote from the Bachelor after he dumped the 1st woman he was engaged to:

"I can't control my head. I wish I could control what I was feeling. If I could control my heart and my head, in a second I would do that."

Somebody needs to tell the Bachelor: YES YOU CAN! This was one of the truths that set me free. LOVE IS NOT JUST A FEELING (like this definition). Love is a choice to serve, bless, enjoy, cheer on and partner with another person for their betterment- even at the sacrifice of your own "feelings." The writers of Love Dare say we must LEAD OUR HEART and not let our heart lead us since our heart can deceive us. If we just live life to "feel good" we might miss and avoid some great gifts God wants to bless us with in relationships. One of the greatest thoughts I had about a week and a half ago was watching my wife birth our 2nd child. As I watched I "felt" such love, appreciation, and attraction for her. I was so glad I didn't walk away from Wendy back in the day because I didn't "feel" a constant emotional-love- high. I had to learn love takes commitment when I was used to walking out as soon as feelings went away or things got tough. I vowed to love Wendy regardless of how I feel and I'm so thankful she CHOOSES to love me in the same way--cause believe me the way I am (selfish, rude and smelly--see this post for more on that-which are only a few of reasons) can potentially affect Wendy's feelings, but she loves me by choice. (Which also brings feelings of love, too!). That's what wedding day Vows are all about.



Finally, public TV I think is crossing the line with the amount of sexual situations/skin they show--that hot tub scene as shown on this talk show seems totally inappropriate. Watching that stuff makes me stumble and definitely isn't good for me to watch if I want to keep my thoughts pure and honor my marriage.. Hebrews 13:4. I'm bummed thinking about how many tweens, teens, and twenties types watch these shows are left feeling lonely, unloved, and worthless in comparison. God--we need you. Thank you that your design is the best and most satisfying.

Hope and encouragement in an email

I received this email the same day Kyle died. God knew this week would require extra grace and encouragement for me. What seemed "random" came at the right time with specific and strategic purpose. As I read it I get chills. I've been sitting on it all week and now, (with permission from sender) I get to share it.
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To Tony Gapastione
Dear Friend,

I call you friend though we have never met, and I have prayed for you and truly thanked our Lord Jesus Christ for you many, many times in this past year. I'm sure you have no idea how blessed my life has been because of you and the impact you had on one individual some years past.

My name is Livie. I lived in Northern California nearly my entire life until one year ago when i moved to Poland to teach English at a Christian language school. I ended up involved in an international English speaking church where I currently serve as a ministry intern. I knew that coming here would impact my life, and that this was truly the path God had for me. But for all the blessings that God has given to me over this year, there is one that cannot be compared to any other.

Over the course of this past year, it was through working with the young adults ministry that I met an amazing individual leading that group who used to attend PCC named Krzysztof Piotrowski aka Chris Columbus to his friends.

Chris has been an amazing part of our church here in Warsaw, and often speaks of his time in California and makes mention of you and the impact you've had on his life. Apparently his time there did an awful lot to shape his perspective on ministry, the great commission and how we as Christians are to live that out. Chris does live this out. He also knows what it is to love people and care about them. These two things have made him such a vital part of our church and impacted my own understanding of ministry and caring for others in an unbelievably big way. Every Sunday he gathers people to go for coffee after service just to connect with them and get them talking about faith and life and helping to integrate these two things because this is what he saw an example of during his time in California. I spent over half a year getting to know him and his heart for God. These are the conversations in which he often talked about you.


So for this. Thank you. Thank you for letting God use you. Your impact on Chris's view of ministry and faith lived out has been really big and it has been used to impact not only myself, but also countless lives here in Poland

But there is something else I wanted to say thank you for regarding your impact on Chris's life, and it is perhaps a little more personal in nature. His attitude toward God-honoring relationships between men and women.

Chris says that you, more than any friend, relative, or pastor, has had a bigger impact on his views of relationship, purity, and marriage than anyone. He says that having been able to talk with you about what good healthy relationships between men and women look like, the kind that honor God and are something truly beautiful, made a difference in his perspective. But then also, getting to see that you lived this out in your life, he says really made all the difference in the world as far as wanting that. Willing to strive for that, willing to wait for that, and he has been.

It is for that, as Chris's fiancee, soon to be wife, I especially wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for your willingness to be used by God to touch Chris's life.



I, who have been a Christian nearly my whole life, have never been in such a Godly relationship as I have been with Chris. Never have I found anyone so committed to seeking to honor God with everything in the relationship, especially in Godly devotion to the other person and to purity. We both realize that honoring God comes first, and that by honoring and being committed to God we are able to honor each other and from that comes this amazing relationship and love that is something so beautiful. Every time we talk, we delight in praying together, studying God's word, and now are looking forward to the days and years ahead when we don't have to go home to different addresses. But for the time being, we are both so delighted at the joy that comes from having a relationship/engagement that is pure and right before our Lord.

Often we never know where the people God places in our lives will go, what will happen to them or even how we were used in their lives. Yet I wanted very much to be able to share this with you, the blessing that you have been in one Polish guy's life and those around him who've been touched by him because of that, especially the one he'll be sharing his life with.

So simply... thank you. God bless you for your impact on Chris's life and mine.

In Christ,

Livie

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I don't share this to toot my horn by any means. I want to toot God's horn. It's all about what he did in Chris' life and how we at PCC got to be a part of it. (1 Corinthians 3:7).

I can't tell you enough how encouraging this email was for me. Getting an email like this is so rare. I replied back to Livie and have been back in touch with Chris. It gave me some added encouragement to keep doing what God has called me to do. Stories like this remind me to boldly speak and teach God's word for we can see some results here in our time as well as on the other side of eternity. I love challenging and preparing people for the future. I would have never guessed how God would use my meeting Chris in 2001. Not only am I stoked he's a Godly man and getting getting married to a Godly woman, but he loves ministry and coffee!

9-0-2-1-NO

I have guilty pleasures, yes. I admit it. The EW magazine, Madonna (scandalous), some reality shows (yes, I've tuned in to ANTM, embarrassing) and even some loud mouthed political radio shows, but..This is a huge confession.

Since I went through my high school years watching Kelley, Brandon, Dylan, and Brenda,

I thought I'd check out the newly revamped CW show: 90210. I had my wife DVR it while I was at the United Hillsong concert exactly a week ago today.

Am I the only one who wasted 120 minutes (thanks to DVR I could have fast forwarded through commercials, but another confession: I like them. Sick, I know) of my life watching 90210? If you did, will you admit it? Comment now. Now. I'm waiting.... (Please make me feel better). But please don't shame me.

If you didn't tune in, pat yourself on the back and be proud of yourself, if it's waiting in your TIVO-delete it.

BAD CHOICE.

9-0-2-1-NO. NO!

Heck no.

Why do I say, NO?

The extreme, super-spiritual answer:
How many more superficial, mean girl, one tree hill, clueless, gossip girl, OC, spin-offs do we need to deteriorate our culture and morally ruin the minds of teenagers, twenty-somethings, and possibly elementary aged kids who sneak peaks? Do we need more BAD role models in our culture that promote sexual promiscuity, deception, manipulation, cheating, pornogrpahy, disobeying parents, substance abuse, materialism, and vanity (all in the 1st installment of our West Beverly High crew) for our already struggling generation? Just another Hollywood attempt to get ratings by selling temporary satisfactions and glorifying the self-centered lifestyle. Couldn't we find more uplifting shows on the food network or Man Vs. Wild (or practically anything on the discovery channel). We all could spend our time doing better things, like learning to cook salmon, surviving in the wild, or hey reading our Bibles. Novel idea.

The thumbs down, Roger Ebert, "art critic" answer:
This attempt at revamping an iconic show that lasted ten seasons in the 90's is a risk...that failed hellatiously. The entire first episode was nothing but stereotypical characters and situations. The jocks, the drama queens, the substance users, the party girls, etc. Do we really need another show with teenagers showing off their private jets, lying about oral sex, and spending $800 on a dress (yes, these actually happened in the pilot episode). How about a show with award winning acting, real life situations that acknowledge and wrestle through issues and spotlight deep and witty characters like Juno?

The acting in 90210 was horrible, the writing was cliche, and overall the word CHEESY comes to mind. I'm so tired of bad TV. (If it wasn't for the WGA strike we'd have more episodes of LOST to watch!). Isn't the world tired of shows where people live immature, self-centered lives with no redeeming value what so ever? Uh, no. It's not. Cause we'll always be interested in watching this type of garbage.

Ok, maybe my angst comes from how possibly real to life this is for SOME PEOPLE. I know not everyone lives large like this, but I remember my high school experience and the masks I wore. I was desperately wanted acceptance and significance. And I also interact with many students both in high school and college that face the same challenges. And then my angst turns to sadness. I guess Solomon was right. There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

Same Zip Code
Same Drama
Just different people.

Maybe the frustration comes from sinful desires and the wake up call to reality (thanks to the Holy Spirit's prompting). If I (or we) was honest, I'd admit living in this fantasy. Come on, right? That's what sucks us in to these guilty pleasures. Wouldn't it be great if life was like Hollywood? Always look zit free in the newest designer clothes, drive great convertible cars, live in mansions the size of Disneyland, get anything you wanted, sleep around with anyone and everyone with no fear of STDS, party it up, and have it "all work out" within an hour slot on TV. But when we combat lies with truth we are smarter than that. We know #1-that this isn't reality (everyone wakes up with bad hair and breath) and #2-there's real pain and deep consequences to living life like this. And TV rarely exposes or deals with these. We know that God's design calls for us to live a life that has purpose beyond our our fleshly desires. We know that relationships are hard work and honesty must be a foundation. God's word calls us to DENY OURSELVES and pick up our cross and follow Jesus (Luke 9:23-27). We are called to lose our life and forfeit comfort. Most of us are better off, more safe, more healthy, and more satisfied by living lives according to God's truth especially when we find it a joy and not a burden. Unfortunately, Hollywood will never make a TV show about that. (For your listening pleasure listen to SUPERCHICK'S TV LAND). (Another song I like is Vicky Beeching's: Created).

So, what about you? What tabloid do you read, reality show, or utterly pointless TV drama do you watch, (or secretly wish you did)? How do you handle the messages from the media regarding appearance, sex, relationships, marriage, stuff, etc?

Once you confess we'll all start a support group...or else a production company