This has been such a sacred....and strange season of life.
Not only am I leaving my job in May, but we will move out of our house at the same time (we've lived in the same house for ten years, it's all our kids have known).
Transition/change ....is a beast. ....or a..... &%^$*#
(insert your expletive of choice if you're of the swearing persuasion).
Joking aside, I really do love change. I love new things. I love trying new food, meeting new people, visiting new cities, and switching up routines.
(Although when I find my favorite cafe, I plant myself there, make it my office and mark my territory like a dog).
But season of life has been REALLY strange. Everything about my life is changing and what has been defined is being re-defined. What was put-together is unraveling. It's a wild space in which to live. I actually like it, at times. But where it gets difficult is when I "try" to explain it.
Since I resigned to leave my job after twenty-years, people have wanted to talk about it... and of course I jump at the chance because I'm living this story and want to blab about it.
Here's a couple ways these conversations start:
#1-Congratulations, you must be so excited to start a new adventure!
#2-I'm so sorry, it must be so hard to leave without knowing where you're going to work or live.
And HONESTLY.... it's both. Yes!
Congratulations and condolences are in order.
Because it is both exciting and sad, thrilling and scary.
After having these conversations day after day, with multiple people...I can get in my own head. Usually I'm OK with the unknown, but there will be these random moments where I think, "What am I doing!!????" I should have this all figured out by now!"
I can get drained having the same conversations over and over (that's partly why I'm blogging to get the info out there) with not a lot of specific things to say about the future. But the up side is... talking helps me process. (I'm an external processor).
And Sometimes, I feel angsty because I wish I could have more sit down conversations with people instead of just writing blogs :)
AH!!! It's crazy-making.
But in this time of the unknown for the future, here's how I deal with my discouragement or exhaustion:
Remember from my posts a few weeks ago?
I'm an optimist, sometimes to a fault! I believe things will always work out, that's how I live (read: cope). I believe God will work this out. I really do. (While I work hard to follow up every lead and prepare as best I can).
Here's the reality of time: I still have three months of work and then another month or two after that to pack up our stuff, find a new house to rent and move our family.
I don't really know much more after that. Lots of people say time will go by so fast, and on my end it just feels like it is dragging on. Have you ever heard of LONG DAYS, SHORT YEARS? Ya, that!
But here's some more hope that keeps me expectant!
Richard Rohr describes this time as LIMINAL SPACE
"...where we are betwixt and between the familiar and the completely unknown. There alone is our old world left behind, while we are not yet sure of the new existence. That’s a good space where genuine newness can begin. Get there often and stay as long as you can by whatever means possible…This is the sacred space where the old world is able to fall apart, and a bigger world is revealed. If we don’t encounter liminal space in our lives, we start idealizing normalcy. The threshold is God’s waiting room. Here we are taught openness and patience as we come to expect an appointment with the divine Doctor."
I know I need openness and patience.
And I am anxious to see this new world revealed.
I want to grow in this time! I want to be full of peace, not bitterness or worry. I can't wait to look back and see the beautiful and amazing things God does!
Thanks for reading!
What season is it for you?
Both? Liminal Space?
King Solomon said:
There is a season for everything, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to hurt, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away, and a time to gather together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.