Whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
James 1: 1-3
My wife Wendy's appendix ruptured sometime yesterday the surgeon said. Thankfully they were able to remove it, clean the toxins, and stabilize her. The say they'll want to keep her 4-5 days to monitor her recovery :(. Please pray for this because this will be challenging. I want what's best for her and I know God will work it out.
Although it's very frustrating that they sent her home yesterday saying it was a bladder infection, I am simply happy to have my wife. I was with her from 5pm until they took her into surgery at 7:45pm. She came out around 9:50pm and I finally saw her at 10pm. (What was so cool is that typical marriage vow popped in my head when I saw her.."I vow to love you in SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH."). It was another way God spoke to me about my role as her husband and loving her.
Those two hours of waiting gave me much time to pray, read, and journal. So here are my not-so put together musings. Beware this is like a journal entry:
My thoughts raced with anger, sadness, gratefulness, worry, frustration, and overwhelming helplessness. Although I wanted to know WHY God had allowed this to happen right now, I realized that's always the wrong question. I needed to trust God was doing something for his purposes. I was scared, too, and God reminded me that he loves Wendy more than I do. I even felt like he told me the same about isella. I was concerned that she might get confused with having the bottle so much and not breast-feeding (normally Wendy feeds her every 3 hours and the bottle has only been like 5 times since she's been born). God reminded me that again he LOVES ISELLA MORE THAN I EVER COULD. He, too, (like I am trying to teach her) has a purpose for her life which he started at her conception. This was also a cool thought for me. As I lay on the floor in the waiting room, I, Ultimately-I was reminded that no material thing would make me happy in that moment. Someone could have come in and offered me a million dollars, or a movie role in some huge film and it wouldn't have made me happy without having my best friend/my wife in my life! I couldn't care less if we ever owned a house or got another new car.At that moment I didn't want a bunch of new clothes, nor care if my name was ever attributed to anything historic, not even an upgrade to a Treo would do it :)--because nothing could fill me up like the good gifts God has given me. His love and faithfulness was what I needed and all i wanted was my wife to be well and for my family to together. If I could only have this same simple, non-comparing, self-less, God-centered attitude for the other 90% of my life. Needless to say, I spent much time being humbled in the past 24 hours about the condition of my heart. There's just one of many reasons why God allowed this. Perhaps, in my busy life of work, seminary, working out, parenting, etc--I just needed to have solo face time with God.
I clung to Isaiah 41.(Although God is talking to Israel in this passage)--I was comforted that he doesn't want us to fear and that he helps and cares for his loved ones. I rest in that.
BTW-Huge thanks to my great in-laws who had a crash course of baby-sitting isella fpr SEVEN HOURS which included two feedings, a bath, naps, play time, soothing and swaddling. They passed the test with flying colors proving that we definitely can go out for LONG dates starting after Wendy's recovery!
Also- I am thankful for the HUGE outpouring of help and prayers from my family and from our community. I know that things will work out this week and I will be taking you up on your offerings from your voice mails and text messages. I truly love our community and being a part of God's family.
I just had to process all of this for my own benefit. And so when Wendy returns she can know what was in my head. She likes that! I love her so much and miss her presence in this house right now.
I'm tired and tonight I'm Mr. Mom. I've got a few hours to nap.
God is good.
Local friends if you do want to visit call me first. She's gonna be very weak. She has had to fast from even water since she went in at 10am yesterday.